since feeling is first

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

e. e. cummings

poetry is the one thing that helps me remove myself from the things. the humming.. the rhythms.
i need a lot of it today.

the world might be dreadfully mundane if every life had a common deck of cards. not exactly the same events, but the same intensity of joy & despair. though, in that banality, wouldn't we live better happier lives overall benefitting from the fact that we'd be able to relate to one another and prepare for the next disaster?

i'm HATING this game right now.
in fact, i'm scared to death that my life's going to continue this way 10-20 years from now. i'm scared "it" is never going to end. i don't want to live and die like vonnegut... cynical, disappointed, writing allegories of his life/beliefs/and idiots that live carelessly, obliviously. yet what choice do i have, what choice did i ever have? do i really *have a choice* when i'm trying and nothing is fucking happening. do i have a choice? do i have a CHOICE? ugh this rage.

one of my childhood's friends mother passed away this morning. father had passed away several years ago. it was the first funeral i ever went to... this whole family is so kind, loving.. devoted christians "blessed" with shitty jobs, no luck, no fortune, and ill health. some god.